Factors at Play in the Elusive Orgasm
The most common factors that play a role in the elusive orgasm, are not being in the mood, fatigue, fear, unfulfilled expectations, lacklustre orgasms, and the inability to reach orgasm.
Female Orgasm Tips and Solutions
Female Orgasm Tips #1: When you are not in the mood
Most people think they have to feel sexual or 'in the mood' before they can act in a sexual way. The reality is that sexuality is a mixture of what happens internally (for example desire, fantasies, feelings) and externally (for example situations, actions, techniques, body positions). Feeling does not always have to come before action. Sometimes taking action can stir certain feelings.
Sometimes you may be not feel like having intercourse at all, but once you or your partner initiates foreplay, desire and arousal are jump-started and you find yourself enjoying the sexual experience and reach orgasm easier than you thought possible. So instead of waiting for sexual feelings to spontaneously arise, take action anyway. It may also help to talk to your partner about some of the 'hottest' sexual encounters you have shared in the past and recreate the actions involved in those incidents, regardless of your initial level of excitement. The key is to take responsibility to create (or recreate) a passionate sex life with each other.
Female Orgasm Tips #2: When you are too tired
Women report that sleep deprivation and fatigue often have a profound negative effect on their libido and ability to reach an orgasm. One possible reason is that levels of the stress hormone cortisol drop during slumber. Loss of sleep means that cortisol builds up and may erode your well-being and ability to experience sexual pleasure. Plan to get a full eight hours sleep as consistently as possible.
Female Orgasm Tips #3: When fear rules
A fear of getting pregnant or being exposed to a sexually transmitted disease can interfere with your sexual pleasure. If this is the case, make sure that you educate yourself regarding safe sex practices and be vigilant in using condoms.
Female Orgasm Tips #4: When you have unfulfilled expectations
Unfulfilled expectations are often the result of a lack of specificity in communicating your desires to your partner. Asking outright for you want is sometimes perceived as offensive or selfish rather than refreshingly honest. Many people therefore cling to the hope that their partners will automatically know what they want. It is very important that you specify what does or does not work for you when it comes to arousal. It does not matter how much in love or in tune you are as a couple - neither of you are mind-readers when it comes to giving each other an orgasm. You both have the right to ask for something you desire just as you both have the right to say 'no' when you are asked to do something that you do not feel comfortable doing.
Female Orgasm Tips #5: When you have lacklustre orgasms
Stress can lower testosterone and DHEA, a hormone that augments sex drives and acts as a mood booster. The more pressure you feel due to cumulative stress and general life worries, the less you will be able to relax into intercourse. Distractions like the phone or concerns that the kids may walk through the door at any minute are also powerful libido-killers. Be solution-focused. Put relaxation on your to-do list. Take the time and energy to look after your mind and body. Set the alarm half an hour early and have sex first thing in the morning. Be spontaneous and put a bit of fun back in your relationship. A trip to a sex shop may help to spice things up. Remember, great orgasms is less work and more play.
Female Orgasm Tips #6: When you have anorgasmia
It is estimated that between 5 and 10 per cent of women suffer from a condition called anorgasmia, which means they are unable to reach an orgasm - at all. Reasons for the inability to have an orgasm need to be identified for appropriate treatment. Physical reasons may include scars or nerve damage from gynaecological surgeries; medications may interfere with one's orgasmic abilities, including blood pressure medications, antihistamines, antidepressants, and oral contraceptives; drugs and alcohol are also inhibitors.
Psychological issues are as real as the physical ones, for example anxiety or depression. Guilt, religious or cultural beliefs and fear of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy have all been identified as contributing factors. If you are having problems such as these, see your general practitioner for a medical exam or talk to a therapist. Sometimes a little bit of help goes a long way to assist you in making real progress.
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