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The Elusive Female Orgasm - Tips and Solutions to Fan the Flames

Ever heard of the elusive female orgasm? A lot of women do not experience orgasms consistently over time, place, position and sexual technique. With these female orgasm tips and solutions, common obstacles to achieving orgasm can be overcome.

Factors at Play in the Elusive Orgasm
The most common factors that play a role in the elusive orgasm, are not being in the mood, fatigue, fear, unfulfilled expectations, lacklustre orgasms, and the inability to reach orgasm.

Female Orgasm Tips and Solutions

Female Orgasm Tips #1: When you are not in the mood

Most people think they have to feel sexual or 'in the mood' before they can act in a sexual way. The reality is that sexuality is a mixture of what happens internally (for example desire, fantasies, feelings) and externally (for example situations, actions, techniques, body positions). Feeling does not always have to come before action. Sometimes taking action can stir certain feelings.

Sometimes you may be not feel like having intercourse at all, but once you or your partner initiates foreplay, desire and arousal are jump-started and you find yourself enjoying the sexual experience and reach orgasm easier than you thought possible. So instead of waiting for sexual feelings to spontaneously arise, take action anyway. It may also help to talk to your partner about some of the 'hottest' sexual encounters you have shared in the past and recreate the actions involved in those incidents, regardless of your initial level of excitement. The key is to take responsibility to create (or recreate) a passionate sex life with each other.

Female Orgasm Tips #2: When you are too tired

Women report that sleep deprivation and fatigue often have a profound negative effect on their libido and ability to reach an orgasm. One possible reason is that levels of the stress hormone cortisol drop during slumber. Loss of sleep means that cortisol builds up and may erode your well-being and ability to experience sexual pleasure. Plan to get a full eight hours sleep as consistently as possible.

Female Orgasm Tips #3: When fear rules

A fear of getting pregnant or being exposed to a sexually transmitted disease can interfere with your sexual pleasure. If this is the case, make sure that you educate yourself regarding safe sex practices and be vigilant in using condoms.

Female Orgasm Tips #4: When you have unfulfilled expectations

Unfulfilled expectations are often the result of a lack of specificity in communicating your desires to your partner. Asking outright for you want is sometimes perceived as offensive or selfish rather than refreshingly honest. Many people therefore cling to the hope that their partners will automatically know what they want. It is very important that you specify what does or does not work for you when it comes to arousal. It does not matter how much in love or in tune you are as a couple - neither of you are mind-readers when it comes to giving each other an orgasm. You both have the right to ask for something you desire just as you both have the right to say 'no' when you are asked to do something that you do not feel comfortable doing.

Female Orgasm Tips #5: When you have lacklustre orgasms

Stress can lower testosterone and DHEA, a hormone that augments sex drives and acts as a mood booster. The more pressure you feel due to cumulative stress and general life worries, the less you will be able to relax into intercourse. Distractions like the phone or concerns that the kids may walk through the door at any minute are also powerful libido-killers. Be solution-focused. Put relaxation on your to-do list. Take the time and energy to look after your mind and body. Set the alarm half an hour early and have sex first thing in the morning. Be spontaneous and put a bit of fun back in your relationship. A trip to a sex shop may help to spice things up. Remember, great orgasms is less work and more play.

Female Orgasm Tips #6: When you have anorgasmia

It is estimated that between 5 and 10 per cent of women suffer from a condition called anorgasmia, which means they are unable to reach an orgasm - at all. Reasons for the inability to have an orgasm need to be identified for appropriate treatment. Physical reasons may include scars or nerve damage from gynaecological surgeries; medications may interfere with one's orgasmic abilities, including blood pressure medications, antihistamines, antidepressants, and oral contraceptives; drugs and alcohol are also inhibitors.

Psychological issues are as real as the physical ones, for example anxiety or depression. Guilt, religious or cultural beliefs and fear of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy have all been identified as contributing factors. If you are having problems such as these, see your general practitioner for a medical exam or talk to a therapist. Sometimes a little bit of help goes a long way to assist you in making real progress.

The Highs and Lows of a Female Orgasm

Female orgasm can be defined as a variable and fleeting climactic sensation of heightened pleasure that women experience as a direct result of combined and well-timed actions by the same person and/or their partner. The event leads to the alteration in the female's state of consciousness, and the experience is accompanied by rhythmic and involuntary pelvic contractions. This physiological process is the direct result of the sexually-triggered vaso-congestion that immediately precedes sexual orgasm.

While there are numerous studies that were conducted to provide a clear understanding of the process, even scientists agree that there are still a lot to cover to finally unlock all the secrets of the female and her orgasm. Before you delve on the nitty-gritty of the female orgasm, it is very important that you are on the same page when it comes to the dynamics of female sexuality and female orgasm. In short, you have to be in the same "room" as your woman if you want to give them a mind-bending sexual treat.

All these things that come around during the sexual encounter give us a lot to cover before we can finally get a clear understanding of the bits and pieces of female orgasm. In fact, it is one of the greatest mysteries that boggle the mind. In fact, when it comes to the functional concerns, female orgasm is one event that leaves a lot of questions that beg for answers. What is so frustrating is that male orgasm does not present the same degree of confusion as female orgasm. For men, it is a simple point-and-shoot affair. This is not the case for women, and you will leave yourself hanging on the fringes trying to untangle the mesh of variables that seem to affect one's capacity to reach orgasm.

Going for the physiological basis of female orgasm make it all the more complicated, and you may end taking two steps backward for every forward step that you make. The assumption of adaptive function of the female sexual physiology leaves us with more questions than answers. There are even theorists whose position borders the outrageous and unbelievable. Believe it or not, there are sectors that claim that female orgasm is an extraneous element that don't deserve our serious attention. Imagine how the female population will react if we make a strong pronouncement that their attainment of orgasm is a purely non-essential and quirky by-product of the act of pro-creation.

So, before we start veering away from the established conventions, it is best that we start learning the things that we need to learn in order to understand the underlying variables that define female orgasm. Nonetheless, we don't have to go to the extreme and be too technical about it. Consider the practical dimensions and approach alternatives with an open mind. Work this out with your partner and you will surely find the best answers to all your issues and concerns.

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Female Orgasm - Understanding It and Making It Happen

To give a women pleasure, it is important to understand the stages of the female orgasm and what they mean to give your partner pleasure and satisfaction.

In Western terms, the female orgasm is (from the Greek orgasmos, "to swell"), is also known as the sexual climax; a pleasurable physical, psychological and emotional response to prolonged sexual stimulation.
A female orgasm, like the male one, is often accompanied by a notable physiological reaction, such as blushing with or without spasms and may be followed by additional spasms known as aftershocks.

In the East, as described in the Chinese Tao of sex, the female orgasm is far more categorized, and is said to have 9 stages.

Most men (from the East and West) who are not aware of the 9 stages often stop at stage 4, thus depriving the woman of the ultimate pleasure available to her. The 9 stages are as:

1. The "lung" stage, where the woman "sighs", breathes very heavily and salivates.
2. The "heart" stage where the woman is kissing her man often extending her tongue out to him.
3. The "spleen, pancreas, and stomach" stage where the woman's muscles become tense, and she grasps her man tightly.
4. The "kidney and bladder" stage where the woman experiences a series of vaginal spasms, and she will have much vaginal secretion simultaneously. The untrained man believes this is the climax. 
5. The "bone" stage, where the woman's joints loosen and she will bite her partner.
6. The "liver and nerve" stage, where the woman moves like a snake under or over her man, and she will wrap her arms and legs around him.
7. The "blood" stage, where the woman's blood feels like it is boiling and she is grasping her man everywhere.
8. The "muscle" stage, where the woman's muscles totally relax, but she is known to grasp even more and bite the man's nipples.
9. The "complete body" stage, where the woman finally collapse, and feels what is known as the little death.

Psychological stages of the female orgasm
Certainly the Eastern approach to a female orgasm is far more organized than just a "sexual climax". But looked at more carefully, lets understand what is happening physiologically.
The female orgasm is preceded by moistening of the vaginal walls, and an enlargement of the clitoris due to increased blood flow trapped in the clitoris's spongy tissue.

Many women exhibit a sex flush; a reddening of the skin over much of the body due to increased blood flow to the skin. As a woman approaches her orgasm, her clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood, and the labia minora (minor lips) becomes darker (due to blood swell).

As her orgasm becomes imminent, the vagina decreases in size from 25% to 40% and also becomes congested from engorged soft tissue. The uterus can then experiences muscular contractions.

A woman experiences full orgasm (in Western terms) when her uterus, vagina and pelvic muscles undergo a series of rhythmic contractions. The majority of women consider these contractions to be very pleasurable.
It is at this point, Western and Eastern conceptions differ. In Western thought, after the orgasm is over, the clitoris re-emerges from under the clitoral hood, and returns to its normal size in less than 10 minutes.

Multiple female orgasms
Unlike men, women either do not have a refractory period or have a very short one, and thus can experience a second orgasm soon after the first; some women can even follow this with additional consecutive orgasms, up to eight have been reported amongst some people; this is known as having multiple orgasms. In Eastern thought, these are just part of the process.

Again, in Western thought, a distinction is sometimes made between a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm. A female orgasm that results from combined clitoral and vaginal stimulation is called a blended orgasm. In Eastern thought, this is getting closer to stage 9.

A final consideration is the case of female ejaculation. It is not considered at all in Eastern thought, but in the West there is a long-standing discussion about the existence of Female ejaculation (colloquially known as squirting or gushing).

This refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of fluid from the urethra or vagina during sexual stimulation at or near orgasm.

The expelled fluid is reported variously as:
o Urine, possibly due to stress incontinence,
o A clear or milky fluid which emerges (sometimes with force), has a composition similar to the fluid generated in males by the prostate gland, and is generated by Skene's glands, or
o A mixture of these two fluids.
o None of the above, but only an excess of vaginal
lubricating fluids, and is a concept used to support feminist theory or the stuff of interest for porno films.

The fact is the female orgasm goes through various stages knowing what these stages are and what to expect means that you can respond and guide you women to ultimate satisfaction.